I got this in the mail today
Who are you? Where are you headed? What should you be doing with your life? Tickle’s free Whats Your Destiny? test will answer these questions and more.
…Here I am supposed to go to their website to find out what careers will fulfill my destiny and what famous people share my life’s path. I’m choosing to believe it is Jon Stewart and Beckham rather than find out the bitter truth…
|Now that you’ve glimpsed your shiny future, how about some insight into how to get there most successfully? Plot your perfect course with help from a free sample Life Path Reading.|
How do they know that my future is shiny? Honestly. I could just as likely get hit by a truck carrying live chickens tomorrow on my bike and die in a cloud of feathers in front of Bark Avenue, the new gentriferific drop-off-your-dog-so-we-can-babysit pet spa in the neighborhood for yuppies who are too busy to have dogs and thus have discovered a new way to waste some more money. They are also too busy to figure out for themselves what their destiny is, or put more thought into it than a quick survey, and perhaps a self help book or two. Still, I wouldn’t put myself in the hands of anyone named Tickle.
So I, the great master Arg, after years of transcendental meditation and a short stint as an ornamental hermit in the wilds of Norwich, am offering a short workshop on your destiny, fate, and eventual tragic death. I prefer the zen method, where I will beat you about the head with a knobbly stick until you reach some kind of awakening. It will be a gritty and “real” experience strong enough to break through the layers of supeficiality, faux-culture, and botox that you have been daily building about yourself to actually preserve you from your destiny. All are welcome to join me at this workshop, but you have to be rich. And pay in cash. Please inquire for more details.