Halloween, no fantastic west hollywood costume parade for me tonight cause my friends are rankers…the american ghetto equivalent of wanker, I wonder which came first and if they’re related? This brings me to the subject of tonight’s exposition, which is written to rid my mind of fears and ghosties since I just watched sixth sense…it was that, jeepers creepers 1 and 2, or Friday the 13th so I settled for the least frightening and bloody but I am a scaredy cat and required covers and a pillow.
So I was thinking about life, and realized that even after years of living and breathing and reading and watching television and talking to people I still have more questions than answers. Some of these questions are very large ones that I have asked before and doubtless shall ask again, such as why am I here? What do I want to do with my life? What is love and where is it found and how do you keep it? I’m a bit tired of thinking about those questions, so have decided to embark on a series of slightly easier questions, the kind that pop into my mind regularly throughout the day, such as why do armenian gangsters love tracksuits? Why must cats jump into empty boxes? What is so extraordinarily nice about tea? Why does buying things make me feel better despite my political beliefs against rampant consumerism? What is the swedish chef from the muppets actually saying? Where do oboes come from? Does playing Beatles songs backwards actually result in satanic messages? Did Elizabeth the 1st really die a virgin? Why doesn’t John Bastow get a haircut and better music for his infomercials, and exactly who buys those excercise videos? Why do British kit kats taste so much different than American ones? Do I prefer curly fries to regular ones?
I’m going to take a bubble bath, eat a bowl of mocha almond fudge ice cream and ponder the answers…who knows how many more I shall think of before breakfast tomorrow.