Should be, could be April Fools

Circle Stones tm (Crop Circle Flint tm) Please note that these terms have been copyrighted by the Metaphysical Guide to the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show. I encourage you to respect copyrights. I do.

Circle Stones are pieces of native Flint that have been found within Crop Circle formations in England. They seem to differ markedly from other Flint, on the energetic level (that’s the only possible level that can be argued I’m afraid)–even Flint from the same fields but outside the Crop Circle. The phenomenon was first noticed in 2007, in the three Crop Circles pictured above (sorry you can’t see them, they are pretty. I guess neither Dave, nor his tractor, were as drunk as I thought they were. I didn’t make Dave up, the fossil guy gets that distinction).

Flint is a sedimentary rock composed of entirely of silica. It occurs as concretions, in band or nodule form, in limestones, espceially chalk….(and it is a curse to British gardeners everywhere. Everywhere. It is ubiquitous)

Robert Simmons writes (someone told me he also wrote this article… why deny yourself the  joy of quoting … yourself? ) “Like Azeztulite, it is not so much what the stones are that matters, but rather what is being expressed through them (In my opinion, buying Azeztulite is also a pretty dodgy idea). We have found Flint which is not from crop circles to be a solid and helpful ally, and even the Circle Stones, as we call them, hold the qualities of Flint. Yet they also carry the currents of the crop circles themselves, and as such lead human beings into conscious communion with spiritual worlds and beings which are beyond our current imaginings. As a beginning I sat with one of he Circle Stones and worked meditatively to find the “voice” of the stone itself, and the intelligence behind it….(there doesn’t seem to be much intelligence in its physical proximity for certain)

Later that same night I slept with one of the Circle Stones (get your minds out of the gutter), I dreamed a great deal, and woke about midnight with my whole body tingling inside and out with a pleasurable current that seemed to be the life force itself…(all right maybe you were right to be in the gutter, and how much is that stuff again?)

And I haven’t much more to say about this at all…but at $1 a gram, this guy is pure genious.

Shocking Split Rocks Comics World: Alan Moore Abandoned by His Beard

In a shocking development that has left the international comic book community gasping in disbelief, acclaimed author Alan Moore has parted ways with his famous Beard, long rumored to be the source of Moore’s celebrated genius, as well as the driving force behind some of his more eccentric behavior. While the circumstances surrounding the split remain shrouded in mystery, reliable sources have speculated that The Beard was awakened to a state of heightened consciousness either by Moore’s exceptionally impassioned reading of Gogol’s “The Nose” (possibly during a full moon), or by a mistranslated passage in an incantation offered up to the author’s favored deity, the Macedonian Snake God Glycon.

Yeah yeah, I guess this is a proper April Fools, and I didn’t come up with it either, I just wish I did! Bridget McGovern did, you can finish the story here.

Echidnas!

They have spines, a long snout that combines the function of nose AND mouth, and they eat ants and termites. That’s the boring stuff. The fun stuff is here from wikipedia.

The long-beaked echidnas have tiny spines on their tongues that help capture their meals.

Echidnas and the Platypus are the only egg-laying mammals, known as monotremes. The female lays a single soft-shelled, leathery egg twenty-two days after mating and deposits it directly into her pouch. Hatching takes ten days; the young echidna, called a puggle, then sucks milk from the pores of the two milk patches (monotremes have no nipples) and remains in the pouch for forty-five to fifty-five days, at which time it starts to develop spines. The mother digs a nursery burrow and deposits the puggle, returning every five days to suckle it until it is weaned at seven months.

Male echidnas have a four-headed penis, but only two of the heads are used during mating. The other two heads “shut down” and do not grow in size. The heads used are swapped each time the mammal copulates.

Yep, I don’t think I need add anything to that. No nipples but a four headed penis that can switch-hit (they should have called THAT a puggle, but it’s a good name for a baby I guess)…wow.

Simon Bolivar

No, I’m not mocking Bolivar. Well, except for the fact that his full name was:

Simón José Antonio de la Santísima Trinidad Bolívar Palacios y Blanco

I just think that’s funny for some reason.

Why Must I Cry (Crunk Remix) (You’ll never know, but it does inspire tears)

Yeah, I really wish this were a joke…I started out laughing and then was just more and more disturbed, though the “running away” scenes were pretty awesome. And the soap. In the shower. Dear God. Why indeed?

And I feel like I need a finale. That’s a lot of pressure, there’s so much good stuff in here. I’m going to think about it. Wait…

Nick Frost!

Was accidentally infected with the very real zombie virus while making Shaun of the Dead, and has been hiding his zombie nature since with the help of powerful friends of friends….

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